The Other Side of Twilight
by Alma
Summary: After the events in AC, Cloud begins hearing Jenova's voice again. Just when our hero thinks life may finally calm down, Jenova has other plans.
1. Voice

**A/N**: This fic was originally written/published in 2001. Yup. Then AC came out some years later and I decided to update this fic even more years later. It's amazing how some stories just kinda jump at you and won't let you go until you write them. I just woke up one morning and said "Goddamn, ok ok, I'll write you! Just leave me alone!"

Anywho, enjoy And reviews are always welcomed, especially constructive critiques. Rawr.

Aaaaaaaand

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters. Square does.

* * *

**Chapter 1 **

Just approaching the precipice of falling into a much welcomed sleep, I suddenly heard a very clear voice say my name. I opened my eyes to darkness and absolute silence. Lying quietly in bed, I listened carefully.

Again, I heard it. Someone very clearly spoke my name, the single syllable resonating in my skull.

I sat up, looking blindly around the villa. Of course, I could see nothing, but I remained absolutely motionless, trying to identify the source of such a strange voice. All I could hear was Tifa's quiet breathing next to me. I held my breath.

The voice called again, and this time it sounded as if it were right outside the window. Carefully, I got out of bed and walked slowly over to the window, peering out.

But the moonlit beach of Costa del Sol was entirely unoccupied. There was nothing but the faint motion of waves crashing on shore. I shook my head, feeling foolish. I wiped the sweat from my face and shivered despite the summer heat.

"...just a dream..." I quietly ordered myself to believe.

My mind must be playing tricks again. I hadn't slept peacefully in a while and sleep deprivation often led to hallucinations, both auditory and visual. That's why Tifa had dragged me out to Costa del Sol. A "vacation" or something. She even invited all the 'old crew' much to my dismay. A little reunion of friends, she called it. Maybe she thinks I would forget how complete strangers had put up with me long enough to kill Sephiroth two years back. Personally I just hate hearing the word reunion in any sentence for obvious reasons and was surprised by her lack of tact concerning the matter. Well, I didn't want anyone to tiptoe around the whole Jenova issue, but I always flinched involuntarily upon hearing ... that word. And I'm sure all the bits of Jenova inside of me flinched as well, although for a different reason. Those little fuckers.

Truthfully, I felt no need for friends, definitely not 'reunions' of old friends. But I don't ever argue with Tifa. So, now, Cid and Barret were due to show up in the morning. Vincent politely declined the social event, and Yuffie had promised to arrive late afternoon. Reeve said he had too much work to do, and nobody could get a hold of Nanaki lately. The fewer the better. There is a reason I choose to spend my time mostly with Tifa. She is the only person whom I never had to explain anything to because she shared my past. She always understood by behavior. Never questioned my perpetual solitude or my silence.

I'll confess I've been rather "cruel" to her lately, purposefully bringing her home flowers from Aerith's church. She is at first happy that I brought her flowers, then I watch the realization spread across her face once she inspects the yellow petals more closely. This went on for days, then the insomnia began.

Now, before anyone gets the wrong idea, let me explain my actions. I've always given her Aerith's flowers. Even the first day I met Aerith and mistakenly thought she was the town drunk (honestly, who else would wander the Slums alone at night?), I bought that yellow flower for 1gil from her and gave it right to Tifa. Tifa is the only woman I would ever think of bringing flowers to. And I figured she would understand why I still thought those same flowers were the only ones beautiful enough to bring to her-

Fuck!

I jumped as the cutting voice spoke again, tearing through my thoughts. This time it sounded as though it was right behind me, my name echoing once more. I turned quickly and rushed to turn on the light hanging from the ceiling. The room was illuminated within seconds of the voice's single word and yet...

Nothing. The room was undisturbed. Everything was just as I had left it. And certainly no mysterious owner of that voice was present. ...That voice which was starting to sound familiar. Too familiar. The cells inside of me throbbed in reaction, contracting violently. I fell over. Fucking Jenova.

My heart pounded as I heard it call to me again.

No, this is just my imagination. Some malicious, but wholly fictitious, hallucination. Yes, that's right. Just in my head. Nothing more. See, this is what happens when you don't sleep for days.

I brushed back my blonde spikes, the messy strands hanging carelessly. The pain passed. Hesitantly, I stood, wondering what had triggered it.

Tifa stirred, rolling over in bed. The hanging lamp cast a warm glow across her face. She groaned.

"Cloud? What time is it? What are you doing?" she said with a yawn, her hands over her eyes.

"Nothing..." I whispered, standing over her bed, "Just thought I heard something."

"Heard what?" Tifa mumbled with her head face down in a pillow.

"...Jenova," I stated explicitly, quietly.

"That's not funny," she looked up at me, her ruby eyes half-open.

"I'm serious."

"You're such a bad liar, Cloud," she huffed and rolled over, facing away from the light, "Turn off the light and come back to bed."

It's always interesting how a person reacts when they first wake up. Brain half-asleep, only the simplicity of necessities matter. And right now, Tifa was tired and wanted sleep. And who was I to stop her? Hell, I knew how precious sleep was, given that I hadn't gotten any peaceful, truly satisfactory, sleep in days.

And I still wasn't used to sleeping in the same bed with someone. Once the insomnia started, Tifa thought it would help if she stayed with me at night. I guess she figured I would find peace resting next to her, or at least drift into sleep from the sheer suggestion of her own sleeping figure. It helped, but only a little. I think I just managed more so to keep her awake, too. And that's when this 'vacation' popped up in her mind. At least those fucking nightmares stopped.

I reached towards the light switch, with all intentions of complying with Tifa's request. But I paused, feeling a horrific sensation that I hadn't felt in years which always foretold _that_ imminent threat, like the taste of bile in your mouth right before you vomit. I braced myself.

Jenova's sickening control touched the tip of my mind, but only for an instant. I let out a small hiss of pain, clutching my head. The cells inside me writhed happily for that split second of agony. Then it was gone again.

Tifa had sat up in bed and was staring at me, frowning.

"Cloud, that's really not funny," Tifa said gravely, pulling her long dark hair to one side nervously.

She thought I was ... what, pretending I was in pain? Who the hell would pretend to be in pain? No. I sat down beside her on the bed, the light still on above us.

"Tif, I'm not joking about this," I said seriously. And when had I ever joked about anything? Well, aside from that one time.

Tifa said nothing, but her eyes were searching mine, moving quickly from side to side. She looked a bit frightened, to be honest.

"I think maybe you just really need some rest," she finally said, and she was probably right. But...

"No, I couldn't have imagined this," I said at once.

Then the fear came back to me. The sickening, debilitating, intense, cold fear of Jenova. It was something I hadn't felt in a very long time. Let me clarify. It wasn't like the fear of physical injury that I felt when fighting with Kadaj back when I still had Geostigma, or even the deathly fear for my friends' lives when I was facing Sephiroth in the Northern Crater. No. It was the childlike but somehow completely justified fear of _the other_ that I experienced while in Hojo's lab. The fear of that other voice talking in my head, those other thoughts lacing my own, that other _thing_ taking control of me. I won't lie. I was fucking horrified of that thing.

I used to dream of it often, in flashes of blue and white. Hojo's lab. The needles. And that fear. Sometimes I caught myself referring to it as mother, and that made me want to puke.

Tifa moved her warm hand over mine, breaking my chain of memories. She gently rubbed my knuckles with her thumb. It was rather comforting. Sudden heat spread under my skin, emanating from her touch, dispelling the cold lump in my chest. My eyes met hers and she smiled at me.

Somehow, she made me feel safe. Not that I needed protecting. I could take care of myself, of course. But if I had to choose anyone as a bodyguard, it would be her without a doubt.

And she was making that fear dissipate. It faded slowly, uncomfortably, as though it was reluctant to leave me. Yes, retreat back into my nightmares. Repress. Repress. Repress.

The cells surged suddenly, paralyzing me. I squeezed my lips shut tightly, refusing to acknowledge the pain.

The voice called me again, but this time there was no mistaking where it had come from. It was inside my head. Loud and commanding. Fuck, fuck, fuck. My eyes broke from Tifa's and a deep chill took hold of me.

"Cloud? What's wrong?"

I tried to respond, but Jenova's presence filled me once more. My pulse was racing.

"Cloud, you really don't look well. The color is all drained from your face. And your eyes..." Tifa trailed off. She clutched my hand tightly.

Complete loss of control. My consciousness suspended. I was being crushed to death. Pressed flat inside my head, I couldn't breath. This is the most painful part. Always. I pulled myself back into the shelter of a dark recess within my mind, instinctively, as I always did when I couldn't be in control.

Jenova's voice was saying more than just my name now. I ignored all the words. Repress...

"Cloud? Are you alright?" Tifa's panicked voice echoed far from me, "Cloud! Answer me!"

The thing weakened. Then, for no reason, I was released. I heard myself hit the ground before I felt it. My vision cleared up. I stared up at Tifa, slightly nauseous but otherwise fine.

"Cloud! What's happened? Are you alright? You just dropped to the floor! What happened?"

She was frantic, leaning over my chest, her long hair draped around my face, framing hers above me. Her eyes glistened. She was sitting on the floor next to me.

How could I possibly explain it to her? I thought of the only other memorable time she had witnessed this happening to me.

"Tifa," I called out to her.

"Yes, Cloud? What is it?" She helped me sit up. We both remained on the floor, leaning against the side of the bed.

"You remember when I gave Sephiroth the Black Materia that day?" It wasn't necessary to clarify which day that was. I'm sure it was as clearly etched into her mind as mine.

"Yes..."

"I felt so hopeless and lost that day, and a part of me was-" I began.

"Cloud, shhh..." Tifa pressed a slender finger against my lips, silencing me. "No...That's in the past. We're done with Sephiroth," she softly told me. I brushed her hand away.

"Tifa, I felt like that again...just now."

"No!" Tifa said, looking away from me, "It must have been a flashback or a nightmare. We're through with those days."

She was always so strong. And I suddenly felt so exhausted. For the first time in nearly two weeks, I just wanted to sleep.

"I don't want to go through this again..." I mumbled to myself, resting my head on her shoulder.


	2. Purpose

I awoke lying on the floor early the next morning, slightly refreshed and very much relieved that I had actually fallen asleep. I hadn't gotten a lot of sleep, but it was a welcome change from my recent sleeping habit, or lack thereof. Maybe this vacation wasn't such a bad idea after all. Then I remembered that voice and that unmistakable fear.

Tifa was curled next to me, one hand touching my hair, and the hanging lamp was still on. I felt childish for causing her to panic last night and gently woke her up with an apology in mind. But she immediately felt it was necessary to alert the others of my 'episode' (as she called it), once they'd arrived. I swore to her that I could handle it alone, not really wanting to involve anyone else, but she eventually won me over. And like I said before, I don't argue with her.

"Jenova? You sure?" Barret asked immediately.

Tifa, Cid and Barret were all sitting around the kitchen table, coffee mugs in hand. I was leaning against the wall, hands crossed over my chest. A second pot of coffee was brewing. I was hoping they didn't notice my hands shaking.

"Yes...I'm positive," I spoke firmly.

"How is that possible? We killed Jenova... and Sephiroth, too!" Cid cut in, lighting a cigarette.

"She's alive. I know it," I insisted.

Cid leaned his chair back on two legs. "Sure, kid. Look, I think it's just some shitty flashback. We went through a tough time with that headless bitch and I'm sure lots of gruesome memories of her stayed with you," he frowned, taking a long drag of the cig.

"You don't understand. These are not memories I'm experiencing. She's still alive!" I shouted.

/Reunion/ the words echoed within me. Skeletal. Hollow.

"D...did you hear that?" I whispered, hoping it was just my imagination.

"Hear what? Cloud...?" Tifa said, getting up quickly. She was leaning towards me, but my vision was dimming.

A sharp pain exploded under my skull, and instantly I became paralyzed once more. Jenova's touch hit me and I lost control. For a second I held Tifa's gaze before everything went black.

I was thrown back, blindly, falling into a pit of black water, thick like ink. Struggling futilely, I felt the liquid embrace me and pull me inward. I was asphyxiating, crushed inside the unknown entity. Panic overwhelmed my senses once I felt something filling my lungs, reaching deep inside of me, drowning me. My body was paralyzed. The creature laughed.

Without warning, a strong white light exploded around me.

I recognized my own voice.

"...To tell the truth, I'm afraid of myself...There is a part of me that I don't understand. That part that made me give the Black Materia to Sephiroth. If you hadn't stopped me, Aerith might've been... There's something inside of me. A person who is not really me."

I remembered this conversation. It was right after Aerith was killed. I was addressing the others, asking them to come with me and stop Sephiroth.

The watery substance around me suddenly vanished and I fell forward onto a hard surface. The bright light went out. I cringed in the sudden coldness, completely alone.

"Even back then, I knew..." I said softly to myself.

I knew how fucked up things were. I'd always known there was someone else inside me. There was always a part of me that would forever remain separate from my true self. A stranger living in my head.

"...Cloud?" Tifa's melodic voice broke through my thoughts.

Everything began spinning and the dreadful sensation of Jenova left me with a sickening nausea. I rolled over, curling my legs under me.

"I always knew..." I whispered.

"What?" Tifa's voice was frantic.

"Yo! Spike! Snap outta it!" I heard Barret's heavy footsteps then felt a slap across my face.

"Barret! Don't hit him!" Tifa scolded.

Reality hit me like a freight train and my mind pulled itself away from the sudden entrancing word playing in my thoughts- Reunion. It was always my purpose.

My vision snapped back into clarity. I was alarmed to find myself on the floor of my villa.

"Cloud!" Tifa hugged me. I only stared at her, still catching my breath.

"Yo, what happened?" Barret shouted.

I said nothing, slowly standing up.

"Cloud, what happened? What were you talking about?" Tifa asked, then after a pause she explained, "You said you 'always knew' and then something about 'reunion'!"

"Yeah, you need to explain!" Barret added.

"I...I don't remember that," I lied and looked away.

"Now you are really scaring me," Tifa said, crossing her arms.

"I'm... sorry. I didn't mean to," I touched my hand to my forehead, feeling cold skin.

"Was it Jenova?" Tifa's lips were a thin line.

"No! I mean, it's nothing. I'm sorry," I shook my head.

Something was urging me not to tell them anything. I did not want to appear weak in front of all of them. I certainly didn't want them to think I was losing it.

"Cloud, don't apologize, it's not your fault. It just worries us that you were talking about Jenova's Reunion," Tifa said.

"Tifa..." Cid spoke like Jenova's Reunion was something not to be mentioned.

"No! Why are you assuming that? I never said anything about Jenova!" I said angrily, taking a step towards Tifa.

Barret and Cid exchanged quick glances.

"Jenova got a hold of him?" Barret grumbled.

"Yup, look how hostile he is," Cid nodded slowly.

My eyes darted from one to the other, trying to read their potential threat to myself.

"What? Jenova? Jenova's got nothing to do with this!" I stepped back until my shoulders hit the wall.

Suddenly, Barret leapt forward, tackling me to the floor, trying to twist my arms behind my back. Cid raced towards me, holding my legs.

"No! Get away from me!" I shouted, and struggled relentlessly against my two attackers. "No!" I repeated in protest as Barret managed to wrestle one arm behind me while I swung the other fiercely.

Cid forced my chin to the floor, his arms shaking, keeping my head pushed against the wooden panels while Barret twisted my other arm behind my back, holding them both firmly.

I couldn't fight against both Barret and Cid so I stopped struggling. Cid yanked me off the floor by my shirt sleeve, and Barret tightly held my arms behind my back.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I spat at Cid as he faced me.

"You're under Jenova's influence- we can tell," Cid threw his cigarette butt on the floor near my feet.

"What? That's crazy! I'm not under Jenova's control!" I smirked, thinking perhaps it was a joke.

"You're lying," Barret hissed in my ear.

"I think I would be able to tell. And trust me, I'm fine!" I screamed, infuriated that they suspected me an enemy. "Let me go, dammit! Tifa, tell them I'm fine!" I pleaded my innocence.

Tifa looked down at her feet, shuffled them a bit against the ground, as if unsure of what to say.

"Dammit, Tifa, don't listen to them! Look at me! It's me, Cloud! Trust me, I'm myself and I'm not under anyone's control... Please trust me," I stared at her, trying to read her.

"Cid, Barret, I think he's telling the truth. He's pretty angry about all this and I'm sure if he were truly under Jenova's control, he'd be acting as inconspicuous as possible," Tifa seemed frightened still.

Barret and Cid exchanged another glance and I felt them both release their tight grip on me. Tifa's eyes narrowed a bit on me, as if examining me.

"Yeah, see! Listen to Tifa and get the fuck off me!" I pulled my arms from Barret's loosened grip. Barret and Cid looked viciously at me.

"Tif..." Barret started.

"Leave Cloud alone for now," Tifa declared.

Cid turned to leave, growling something obscene and Barret gave me a harsh glare before following Cid out of my villa.

"Bastards," I grinned and grabbed a cup of coffee off the table.

"Cloud, what the hell was that about? You're lucky I got those two to back off!" Tifa exclaimed.

I didn't answer.

"You have been acting pretty strange since you passed out," Tifa raised her voice skeptically.

"You just don't understand," I mumbled, irritated.

"Cloud, it's true that I don't know what you're going through, but I'm here for you always. But don't get angry with Barret and Cid. They are only trying to protect us," Tifa said.

I took a long sip of the cold coffee.

Tifa left silently, slight anger in her footsteps, slamming the door behind her. I was completely alone.

Reunion, Reunion, Reunion...the words slowly chanted in my mind over and over. This was my purpose. Years ago, when this all began, I knew. A puppet. I couldn't fight it anymore. I could think of nothing else and my aggravation only grew as the dreary day moved forward.

Before nightfall, Tifa, Cid, and Barret returned with Yuffie, who apparently had just shown up. They were all eyeing me suspiciously and nobody said so much as a greeting. But I didn't care. I was going over every detail in my mind of every previous time I had been under Jenova's control, looking for... well, I just didn't know what I was looking for. But the thoughts were comforting, somehow.

I stayed away from the group for the remainder of the evening and eventually they all retired to the inn, apparently feeling unwelcome. Good. I didn't want company anyways.

Tifa opted not to stay with me that night. But it was the first time in a long time I slept soundly, dreamlessly...


	3. Quick Trip

"I...I'm going to Nibelheim," I announced early the next morning.

Tifa stared at me for several moments, confusion sweeping across her beautiful features, her crimson eyes hinting suspicion. The others were still asleep at the inn, and Tifa was now frozen in the living room of my villa.

"W...What?" she was startled by my abrupt statement.

"I'm leaving today...right now, in fact," I stated clearly and started to zip up my boots.

"Cloud... What made you suddenly decide to go to Nibelheim? I'm not letting you go anywhere with this phantom Jenova voice hanging around you like this!" She stood up and blocked the doorway.

"Don't tell Cid or Barret," I ignored her questions and made for the door. "...or Yuffie."

"Why do you want to go so suddenly? You know it's practically a ghost town now, with nothing but those awful ShinRa employees..." her voice seemed awfully wary and she eyed me carefully, as if searching for faults.

"I...just wanna go there. Haven't been there in a while...you know?" I faked a little laugh and continued towards the door.

She didn't budge from the doorway, but moved her arms up to rest on my shoulders as I neared her.

"I'm leaving now, Tifa..." I informed her, expecting her to move out of the way.

"No... I can't let you leave. What if Jenova starts talking to you again? You will be all alone!" she moved her hands up to play with my hair, but kept her eyes firmly locked on mine.

"I want to go there, though. I don't know why... I just feel like... something..." I trailed off, my eyes falling to the floor in thought.

"Feel like...what?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Feel like...I have to go there... I can't explain it," I gently pushed her out of the way and picked up my bag, which I had packed the night before.

"How long do you plan on being gone?" she noticed my bag.

"Maybe for a week...I don't know," I couldn't think up anything to say.

"Cloud, this seems real suspicious of you. How do you know this isn't Jenova making you do this?... Remember what happened to Sephiroth?..." she spoke his name in a low tone, as if it was a terrible curse.

"Yeah, I do. I was with him, remember?" I reminded her.

"Cloud, if nothing I can do will stop you, then I'm going with you," Tifa nodded and began putting on her own shoes.

"Won't Cid, Barret and Yuffie be mad if we're both gone?" I asked.

"To be honest, they were kind of expecting you to leave. Given how strange you were acting yesterday... That's why I came by here so early. But don't worry about them," she attempted to smile, "Besides, they'll probably just spend the day enjoying the beach."

"You should stay," I insisted.

"No, I want to make sure nothing happens to you... I care about you a lot, Cloud," she hugged me, then added, "We'll just pay a quick visit then leave, ok? I know I can't stop you from going, but at least now I know you won't sneak out behind my back," she laughed lightly.

"Thanks for being so understanding, Tifa, I really mean it..." I smiled and took her hand in mine, her skin very warm.

"Cloud, your hands are freezing!" she exclaimed, pulling away.

I didn't respond, but just walked out the door.

"We'll just take the gold chocobos there," I said.

"Alright..." She still seemed so wary of me as we retrieved the chocobos from the Shera.

It was barely dawn as we started our trip to Nibelheim, the chocobos easily passing over the tricky terrain. The entire way we rode in silence.

What had possessed me to suddenly want to visit my old hometown...nobody I knew was there...everyone I cared for was long gone- vanished when the town burnt down a while ago. Why there?

Finally, Tifa spoke, "Cloud...?"

"Yes?" I casually responded without looking at her.

"Why are we going to Nibelheim... what's the real reason why? Does this have anything to do with Jenova? Because you've really been acting strange lately..." she sighed.

"Why would this have anything to do with Jenova?" I quickly asked. "And besides, I just wanted to visit our old hometown - that's all..."

She didn't say anything else and we reached our destination without further interruption...


	4. nibelheim

Nibelheim was just as I remembered it- an old dusty town. Nothing had changed...nothing at all, which gave it an eerie feeling. It was a ghost town that had literally come back from the grave.

"So this is where it all started," I muttered to myself as Tifa and I rode in on our chocobos.

"Gives me the creeps coming back here," Tifa shuddered.

I ignored her and dismounted the chocobo. The town was so calm that my footsteps echoed in the dust.

"Cloud, I have a terrible feeling about this. I want to go now!" I vaguely heard Tifa talking behind me.

The world seemed to point towards the ShinRa mansion. Of course...that's really where it all began so many years ago. I felt myself being pulled towards it. Everything was spinning by the time I reached the door. Tifa was talking behind me, but it sounded like she was underwater very far away. I could not look away from the mansion.

"CLOUD!" Tifa grabbed my arm and sharp reality smashed back into place. Clarity scratched my vision. I blinked.

"W...what?" I asked stupidly as though nothing had been wrong.

"I was talking to you," she stated crossly.

"Oh..." I didn't know what else to say.

"Cloud, I really have a terrible feeling... I really want to leave here," she was saying, but it was difficult to concentrate on her words. It was as though a bubble surrounded me. Things seemed to be made of cardboard, like props set up everywhere in preparation backstage at a theater. The mansion was the only real object, drawing me closer.

/Reunion/ the chill voice whispered across my ear. No, not this again.

"Did you hear that?" I said, although the words seemed to come out all mumbled. I turned to Tifa, but she wasn't there. "Tifa!" I shouted, my heart pumping faster, suddenly wishing she were by my side. Where would she go? "Tifa?" My lips felt dry.

I heard footsteps running towards me, but upon turning swiftly, found nobody there. My breath quickened and I desperately tried to control my imagination. I panicked, my pulse racing, and backed away from the mansion door. It seemed to stretch outwards towards me, the silvery rusted handle itching to be turned.

"Tifa?" I called again, fear creeping into my voice, my eyes locked on the hideous door beckoning me. "Please make this stop..." I begged, closing my eyes tightly, trying to erase the pounding image of the mansion from my sight. The voice was snickering now; its whispers faintly trailing around my head.

I opened my eyes and I was startled to find myself inside the mansion's foyer! Terror crept over me. How had I gotten inside without opening the door? I turned slowly, hearing the floorboards creak under my shifting weight and saw the door was open, swinging gently on its hinges.

My vision began bubbling with big patches of swirling color. Oh god, what's wrong with me? What is happening? I wanted to leave, but my feet were glued to the floor, my eyes watching my environment deteriorate slowly, enveloped by giant splotches that warped everything terribly as they passed. I shut my eyes tightly again, feeling warm tears on my cheeks.

I felt like I was losing my mind. It was a mistake coming back here. A big mistake.

"Jenova?" my voice was unsteady in the thick air.

"Open your eyes, Cloud, and take a look at the size of this place!" A familiar voice shouted in amazement.

I opened my eyes obediently and saw Zack and myself standing in the doorway.  
Everything paused.


	5. the basement

"Zack...?" I stared at the smug black-haired man I had long ago called my friend. The air hung dead around me and I watched my much younger self step forward behind Zack, wearing the unmistakable blue uniform of a ShinRa grunt.

Zack stretched his arms upwards, yawning as his eyes took in the expansive foyer. I stayed still, uncertain whether he could see me.

"Zack!" I said again, but he walked past me, and would have collided with me if I hadn't side-stepped out of the way.

"No... He can't see or hear me," I solemnly stated, shutting my eyes, "This is just an illusion, some sort of hallucination."

I heard heavy footsteps coming towards me slowly. Opening my eyes, I saw Sephiroth standing in the center of the foyer, hands on his hips. His long black cape and silver hair sent a sting of hatred through my body. He was much taller than I remembered, much more human, too. For a moment, he looked directly at me, held my gaze for several seconds. I stared right back, a sudden fear crushing my feet. He couldn't possibly see me. Zack couldn't – there's no way _he_ could.

Sephiroth smiled slightly, a strange warmth in his eyes and I felt compelled to smile back. Then he looked back towards Zack and the younger Cloud. They began talking for a few moments about their mission and about the mansion. I remembered this all too well.

As Sephiroth began walking up the giant staircase in the center of the foyer, he glanced at me again, if only for a second, and I felt a forlorn sense of lost friendship. I suddenly remembered my own childhood admiration for the man and at the moment, the idea of him shortly becoming a monster seemed irrelevant.

I remained frozen in place after all three of them went upstairs. No, I know exactly what happens next. First we would go to the Mako Reactor, see all the terrible monsters being created, see Jenova's tangible form; Sephiroth would then sequester himself in the basement until he discovers the truth about Jenova, goes mad and burns my hometown to ashes. Then he murders Tifa's father, wounds Tifa, wounds Zack, and nearly kills me until I throw him down into the shaft of the reactor, ending his physical life. Hojo finds Zack and myself and further experiments with Jenova on our cells for years. This is what I remember. I am certain this is the truth. But why do I feel so strange?

I winced at the memory of the torture. It occurred here, in this mansion's basement.

But this is fake, just something my mind created. I've been reliving this scene in nightmares, but now this was affecting my waking self.

Turning towards the mansion's door, I tried to leave, but my body felt numb yet weightless, impossible to move. Tifa must be outside, and I must get out of here. This was a bad idea.

/Cloud/ Her voice whispered gently.

Jenova. She has brought me here. No, I'm not playing this game. I'm leaving.

/Cloud/ Again, my name. Is this even my name? It sounds so foreign suddenly.

My eyes darted towards the basement door. This is where my nightmare with Jenova began, as part of Hojo's experiment. I took a step towards it. No, this is wrong.

But my body no longer responded to my thoughts. I pushed open the basement door and continued walking down the spiraling stairs. I felt a terrifying desire to reach the bottom. Nausea crept over my abdomen and the trembling sensation of adrenaline coursed quickly throughout me. The creaking of the wooden stairs accompanied me to the basement. I flinched in the sudden coldness emanating from the stone walls.

I don't want to be here.

I reached the door to Hojo's laboratory and effortlessly pushed it open. The horrid scent of metal and chemicals kicked my memory into recognition of torture and pain, and I reeled away, the nausea growing worse. I doubled over, my stomach turning. I must leave now!

/But you are close/ The voice was nothing but a whisper.

"I'm in control, not you!" I shouted defiantly. "You're dead..." I trailed off as the pain worsened.

I flipped on the electricity switch and all but a single bulb was burned out. In the dim lighting, the lab was just as I remembered it – rows of chemicals in glass tubes, wooden tables stained with blood from his rotten experiments, metal chains, rows of needles, large three-inch thick glass tubes. What had happened here? Doubt began to cloud my memory. No, no, this is not right at all...

I clutched my head, trying hard to think correctly. Suddenly, my eyes fell upon several large leather-bound books stacked up the lab table, dust obscuring the titles from me.

Reaching over, I held one up to the light, creased open the cover and saw Hojo's handwriting in neat little columns with numbers on the top of each column. I read a number at random.

_Number 04. Interestingly enough, there was little resistance this time. I'm beginning to wonder if this 'Jenova' can mutate the cells around it to adapt them to its own design. More tests will need to be made, but if I'm accurate in this assumption, this will be a huge breakthrough in understanding the nature of this substance._

I threw the book down in disgust. This was Hojo's data and personal entries regarding the Jenova experimentation he conducted.

"I'm sure I wouldn't be in there... I was never given a number, after all," I stated aloud to assure myself of the silliness of searching for my own entry.

I picked up the second book, this one much slimmer with a dirty white cover. My heart was beating furiously. Why was I so afraid suddenly? I flipped through the pages and noticed it was only one very long entry cut into different dates over a period of about 5 years. There was no number attached to the top this time. I snapped the book shut quickly and looked away, the nausea growing worse.

"I was never given a number," I repeated softly.

Do I really want to read this? Sephiroth is dead. Jenova is dead. It's all over.

/Cloud/ The feminine voice spoke urgently, but the word was unfamiliar to me.

"I must know," I sighed, as if justifying my own curiosity. Taking a deep breath full of the moldy metallic air, I slowly creased open the cover.


	6. Hojo's Journal

I began reading dates at random from Hojo's personal log.

_-I've become frustrated with this specimen after his body's complete rejection of every form of Jenova cells for over a month. Every other soldier I've used has had nearly perfect adaptation with the exception of this one. Every time the cells are injected or implanted, his body at first appears to neutralize them, and then hours later the cells are rejected. I'm completely astounded by this rarity. Could a genetic mutation be to blame? I need more time with this one._

_-Even though he was brought to me near death, I'm confident I can force his body to accept the Jenova like the others. It's astounding to watch the progress in the others. I'm confident we are growing closer and closer to developing that super soldier that ShinRa wanted._

I skipped several pages, as most of it was Hojo boasting about his accomplishments with the other 'specimen'. I flipped through the book, scanning for anything that would affirm my fears of this 'specimen' being me... I came to a hastily scrawled entry many dates later that I could hardly read.

_-I've pushed the specimen too far, I suppose. His body officially died early this afternoon. It's a shame, but he was never really alive after Sephiroth's attack. I still wonder what motivated me to test Jenova on a dead subject. I should have known he wouldn't last very long with that ridiculous sword wound in his abdomen. _

The entry for that date continued, but my eyes froze. I could feel cold sweat forming on my scalp. Dead? This can't be right. This can't be me, then. Hojo must have written down who this dead specimen because it couldn't be me. I blinked as the awful memories began to surface. I remember Zack's pale face in the tube next to mine, defiant as always. If it wasn't for him, would I have ever escaped this place?

_-I've realized that it was the Mako that was keeping him alive (albeit comatose) in the first place. The fact that he was near death when I began the Jenova injections, has led me to wonder what potential Jenova has in a corpse. I suppose I will keep the body for a few days to run more tests. His body was rejecting the Jenova, but now the dead cells cannot operate and resist. I will soon find out._

I paused for a moment, my thoughts racing. No, this isn't right. I must be imaging this, just like I imaged seeing Sephiroth, Zack, and myself upstairs earlier. Just some strange memory resurfacing, I'm sure. Or just my imagination playing tricks on me.

I felt my throat tighten and skipped forward several dates. I began reading again near the end of the journal.

_-The remaining Jenova cells have consumed the host body and have repaired the necrotic flesh. I'm astounded at the intuitive nature of the substance and am now convinced it has a mind of its own. I'm sure it was because of my own brilliant work and my daily struggle with the substance that I've been able to witness this strange behavior. It's never reacted like this to any other specimen, alive or dead. _

_-The body has been dead for a month now, but the Jenova has preserved it perfectly. Watching Jenova rebuild the dead tissue, mutating the cells as it sees fit, is really a miracle of science. I can't help but think how much ShinRa would love to use this substance on any of their fallen generals. _

_-The reanimation is unique. I expected more of a 'zombification' process, but this is entirely different. The Jenova has completely restored the body to its original shape, even down to the precise hair and eye color. I wonder what happened to the poor soul who used to reside within that hunk of flesh. Would he remember dying? I'll have to make a note of his behavior, if he actually becomes active._

_-The Jenova cells have receded from topical view and appear to be completely infused within the specimen's cells. There is no foreseeable way to separate the Jenova from his cells without killing him now. His normal cell activity suddenly resumed today, with nearly all physical systems operational. His heart began beating at the exact same time respiratory and circulatory functions reactivated. It's as though the Jenova substance was in complete control of the entire reanimation process and timed it all perfectly. _

_-I can't help but wonder about Sephiroth. If Jenova can reanimate this single specimen, it could also reanimate Sephiroth and make all the time-consuming work here mean nothing. These clones that I've created will be useless if we can simply reanimate Sephiroth himself! Although I don't like the idea of my work becoming useless, an immortal soldier seems well worth the price. Especially a solider of Sephiroth's skill._

_-Today, the specimen woke up. He could not talk, however. Possible brain damage? Is it even the same person? Need more time to observe him. Why would Jenova choose to bring his cells back to life? This was the only specimen whose cells seemed to have a natural immunity to Jenova! It doesn't make sense. _

_-I'm beginning to think Jenova has a mind of its own. I have a theory that Jenova actually killed this specimen and then restructured his cells to adopt the Jenova cells more readily, before reanimating him. The other subjects that initially adapted the Jenova are much healthier, however, so I believe this whole experiment with this specimen is more of a failure than a scientific breakthrough._

_-He still cannot talk. Only rolls his head back and forth, his eyes following me around the lab. I think whoever that boy was died when his body died. Now he is just some strange doll composed of Jenova cells and Mako. I'm embarrassed now to say that he's one of MY experiments. _

Dizziness suddenly. My vision darkened slightly. No, I'm only imagining this... I quickly skipped several more entries and reached the final page. The last two entries were rather short.

_-Terrible. Two of my specimens have run off today during feeding time. Of course, just my luck, one of them happens to be that dead Jenova specimen that I had been hoping would snap out of his coma. He was dragged off by another specimen. I was angry for losing the healthy one, to be honest. _

_-I've officially decided to name this specimen a failure and close the data regarding my experimentation on him. At least I never gave him a number, so he will not show up in my official report to ShinRa._


	7. memory

I slammed the book shut, feeling a surge of fury and confusion.

/Now you know the truth./ It was Jenova's voice, but this time I felt no fear, only anger.

"No, this isn't right. That's not me in that book," my voice shook. "No! I refuse to believe it!" I shouted, anger exploding inside my chest.

I pounded my fist on the moldy wooden table, throwing all the test tubes and dusty sheets of paper to the floor. I picked up a few of the larger books and threw then at the wall, crashing more of the delicate instruments hanging above the table.

"Sephiroth never killed me! This is a lie!"

/The boy named Cloud died here 7 years ago./

"No, that's not true! I have memories of all the time before that! I'm a real person, not just some Jenova infested puppet! I know who I am!" I ran down the hall into the end of the library, tearing hundreds of books off the walls in my rage.

/Do you remember that night you fought Sephiroth in the Mako Reactor?/

I paused, thinking carefully. Why was it so difficult to remember now?

"Yes... Yes, I ran in and saw Tifa. Her father was dead on the floor. She was holding a sword and going after Sephiroth." My memory blinked. A slight hiss of static. "Yes, that's what happened. Sephiroth threw her down and I ran in. I was so furious at Sephiroth for burning my town, killing my mother, wounding Zack, and now hurting Tifa. But... But he stabbed me. Yes, I remember clearly now. I wasn't strong enough and he stabbed me in the stomach. The pain... it was tremendous. But then I was filled with such rage and I hated him so much... I once held so much admiration for him, and he betrayed everyone. I grasped the blade and...and what? I must have thrown him into the Mako reactor, into the LifeStream far below. It's...difficult to remember. I had lost so much blood, I couldn't even stand after Sephiroth had fallen." I struggled with the random images sewing themselves together in my mind. But they were unraveling in a confusing array of fragmented memories.

/You don't remember being taken to Hojo's lab?/

"Yes, that's right... I was...taken with Zack into the basement, here." Sudden pain. I gasped quietly, closing my eyes. "I don't remember..." I lied.

/But it all makes sense now, doesn't it? All the fragments of who you thought you were...They were preserved within that brain of yours. They are not yours. You died here. I was reborn in you./

"You're dead... Stop talking to me!" I screamed, tearing more books from the shelves, unable to control the sudden desire to destroy everything around me.

/Listen to me and it will make sense. Cloud did die, but I was reborn. Sephiroth was killed prior to your own death, and my cells were split among so many. Eventually I was to become whole again, as Sephiroth and yourself proved./

"Reunion..." I choked the word out under by breath.

/You contain many Jenova cells within you, much more than even Sephiroth did./

"I don't understand..." I leaned against the bookshelf and slid down onto the library's icy stone floor, exhausted, clutching my head. I felt as though I was suffocating, gasping for breath in the stale air.

/You will. With Sephiroth truly dead now.../

"I have to get out of here. This whole place is a lie!" I yelled, ripping the journal's pages out. Bits of white paper scattered against the black stone floor. I threw the tattered remains of the book against the wall and tore out of the lab, running down the corridor and up the spiral staircase.

The mansion seemed deader than when I had first arrived. I noticed the decaying wood and peeling paint everywhere. Dust inches thick coated eerily still decorative objects. Everything was a pale gray.

"I have to get out of here," I whispered.


	8. clarity

I threw open the doors of the mansion and ran out as fast as I could. Tifa was standing directly outside, her eyes wide with confusion. I grabbed her by the arm, pulling her alongside me.

"We're leaving, and we're leaving now," I said instantly.

"Wait, what's happened?" she replied, horrified.

"Nothing... we just need to leave... now." I forced a weak smile.

"Ow, let go of me, Cloud. You're hurting me!" she cried, twisting her arm away.

/Why are you so frightened by the truth?/

"Shut up," I hissed.

"Did you just tell me to shut up?" Tifa's frustrated voice cut through Jenova's.

"No! No, I wasn't talking to you..." I said without deviating from the straightest path out of town. My pace quickened.

"It's Jenova... isn't it?" Tifa said quietly.

I heard her footsteps pause. I stopped walking and looked back at her. In the hazy gloom of the dead town, she stood in the center with the mansion looming behind her like a huge predator. Her beautiful form was immaculate amidst the death and decay that hung around Nibelheim like a perpetual twilight. It was a town of the dead, and it would always remain that way to me.

"It's...nothing," I said after several seconds of silence.

"It is happening again, isn't it?" Tifa shook her head, sudden tears in her eyes.

"No, no," I tried to reassure her, "Nothing is wrong. I just... I realized you were right. We shouldn't have come here. All these bad memories just... float up, and so I want to leave."

"Cloud..."

/Cloud is long dead.../

I forced myself not to react to the voice in my head.

"Cloud... come back to me," Tifa's voice called. I shook my head and refocused on her.

"Let's go back to the villa," I managed to say.

She nodded and we took the gold chocobos straight out of town, heading back towards Costa del Sol. An uncomfortable silence settled between us and halfway through the journey, I decided to finally speak.

"Tifa... tell me something, and I need the absolute truth..."

She looked at me with surprise. "Of course. I never lie to you."

"When you knew me in Nibelheim, you know, back before I joined SOLDIER, did I act very different from, let's say, when you met me again in Midgar seven years later?"

"Well, of course. Seven years is a long time, Cloud."

"It certainly is..."

/This is irrelevant. You already know the truth./

"But," I continued, ignoring the voice, "how exactly did I act different?"

Tifa took a deep breath.

"I think you know," she said.

"No. I don't. Please tell me," I implored.

"In Midgar... you were... well, you were very different. Colder and more distant. I thought it was just the common attitude of an ex-SOLDIER. But now we know about Zack's identity, and nobody blames you for acting the way you did."

"Zack... right. But after that, like right now... Tifa, you're the only one still alive who really knew me before Nibelheim burned. Can you be sure I'm the same person now as I was back then?"

"Why are you asking me this!" Tifa shouted, a disturbing glint of horror in her eyes.

My lips remained tightly closed. Her answer was sufficient to affirm my fears.

Because I wasn't the same person from her childhood. I wasn't the same person who faced Sephiroth in the Nibelheim reactor, anger burning in my chest. Whoever that was is dead.

And I had known it all along. Ever since waking up in Midgar, lying half-dead at the train station in Sector Seven, Tifa cradling me in her arms, amazement in her tone as she called my name...

My name. It was never my name. And I knew that too. A number. I didn't have one.

"Cloud!" Tifa shouted again, obviously troubled.

But that word didn't belong to me.

/You understand now./

"No..." I said softly.

"Cloud! Snap out of it!" Tifa yelled once more. My eyes lazily drifted to rest on hers. An unnatural weight burrowed into my chest.

/With the other Remnants dead, I am whole. We are whole./

"Yes..." I replied.

"Cloud, listen to me... No matter what, you ARE the same boy from Nibelheim. We've already been through this!"

She was angry. She must've been. Of course, I had put her through this same hell back when I first discovered that I had a split personality. Zack. But this was something more.

"I need proof..." I mumbled.

/Proof that you are not Cloud? I created you. I molded your cells to my will. You are mine, and you have become so much more than that boy who died in Hojo's lab./

"Leave me alone..." I told the voice, but Tifa must have assumed I was speaking to her because she immediately faced forward, huffing with resentment.

/With Sephiroth gone, and my former body destroyed, you knew I would live on. I cannot die. I am older than the thousands of stars which you gaze upon at night, older than any comprehendible unit of time. My original form was lost nearly a millennia ago. That revolting wraith I was confined to was pitiful, weak. She was once like you, on another planet, in another time./

"I don't believe it..."

/You were never just another clone. But you were never any of my concern until all the other scattered remnants of myself were destroyed./

Thankfully, I saw the edges of Costa del Sol in the distance, growing larger as we neared. Sephiroth must have spoken to mother, understood her. No wonder he went mad. If this shit keeps talking to me...

But the voice fell silent. Tifa and I returned the chocobos to the airship and entered the villa. As Tifa predicted, the others were at the beach. It was barely late afternoon, and I busied myself in the kitchen, making us lunch. I had to do something routine, something normal, to distract my mind.

Sandwiches. Yes, that's what we'll eat for lunch. Normal things that normal people eat. Yes, and I am a normal person, so a normal sandwich is what I will eat. Repress. Repress. Repress.

"Cloud?"

I swiveled to face her, holding a loaf of bread in one hand and a butter knife in the other.

"Yes?"

"Um... whatever you heard or saw in that mansion... It's bullshit, ok?"

"I didn't hear anything!" I announced happily.

"I'm not an idiot, Cloud. It was Jenova, again. I can see it in your eyes."

My eyes? I instantly looked away from her, and turned back towards the kitchen counter, slicing the bread.

"Something has changed," she continued, "In you."

Four slices of bread lay on the counter before me in the kitchen and I was staring at them. Slowly placing the knife next to the row of identical squares, I stood in complete silence. Tifa's words hit me to the core.

The door burst open and Yuffie came bouncing in, wrapped in a huge beach towel.

"The water is gorgeous, Tifa! You should come join us!" she declared.

"Sure, Yuffie. I will," Tifa smiled over at her.

"Oh, Cloud, you're making sandwiches?" Yuffie poked her head into the kitchen, "Can ya make me one, too?" And with a huge smile she disappeared into the bathroom.

So I picked up the knife again, slow and deliberate, and continued slicing the bread. Tifa's words were burning the back of my mind because I knew it was true.


	9. With Her

I didn't speak much to anyone for the rest of the day, and that night I stayed awake in my bedroom alone, contemplating everything I had recently learned. I tried to remember things from my past – people, events, details like the shine in her hair under the moonlight when we made our promise – yet it all felt concealed now. My memories were falling apart, dissipating into nothing. And I was beginning to feel even more lost. The truth was just an obscured notion to me. I leaned back against my pillow, staring upward out the window at the starry sky above. Each point of light felt just as lonely somehow.

There was an abrupt knock on the bedroom door. I knew it had to be Tifa because she was the only other person who had a key to the front door. But she didn't wait for a response. She opened the door halfway and poked her head through tentatively.

"It's alright. You can come in," I reassured her.

"Oh. Sorry, I wasn't sure if you were asleep." She stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her and glanced around as though expecting something to be different.

"It's late. You should get some sleep," I told her.

"I wanted to see how you were doing. We're going back to Edge tomorrow," she informed me.

I watched her walk slowly towards me – her hands clasped behind her back, her shoulders a straight line, her steps carefully and deliberate. She was tense, and her eyes darted anxiously around the room avoiding my gaze.

"Are you staying with me tonight?" I asked.

"If you'd like me to. Have you been able to get any decent sleep while we were out on this trip?"

"Yes. It's... been great." I struggled to maintain a calm tone.

"So the insomnia is gone?"

"Yes."

She finally stepped close and sat down on the edge of the bed next to me. Her hands were twisting in her lap nervously. She crossed her legs. An awkward silence settled in the air. I decided to speak first.

"Tifa, I've always held a deep... respect and admiration for you." I looked straight at her and she seemed to shrink back. I continued, "You've always been the strong one, and you really helped me though so much. I don't know if you ever really knew how...thankful I am that you're always there for me."

She looked at me in surprise. "Why are you saying this, Cloud? You don't have to thank me for anything. I...I would help you no matter what."

"Then, tell me about what happened in the Lifestream. In Mideel. You saved me that day. How...how did you know which memories were my own?"

"Because we shared them."

"How could I not have known they were my own memories before?"

"Because of the Jenova cells. Cloud, that thing had been manipulating you for its reunion and nobody can blame you for not remembering..."

"But do you remember me?"

Her eyes widened for only a second and she looked away.

"Tifa," I pressed, "Do you remember me... in Nibelheim. During the fire. Do you remember me saving you in the reactor?"

She thought carefully for several moments, her eyes turned upwards at the stars in the sky. "Yes," she answered softly, "I do remember looking up, and seeing you through a fog. I thought I was dying. I thought I was imagining you..." her voice tapered off into silence.

"That was the last time you ever saw him," I told her definitively.

She immediately turned her head back towards me; her face was torn between confusion and panic. "W-What did you say?"

"That was the last time you saw Cloud. The real Cloud."

"What are you talking about?!" she snapped, blinking rapidly, "Don't say something like that! You _are_ the real Cloud! We've been through this already!"

"Tifa... I'm not Cloud. I'm not the boy that saved you from the reactor... not anymore, at least."

Suddenly, her hand flashed out fast in a blur and she smacked the side of my face hard.

"Don't say that! Don't you dare say that!" Her voice was thin.

"Ow!" I rubbed my sore cheek, feeling the blood rush to the tender area. "Why did you hit me?"

"Because you're talking nonsense. You're telling me that you're not who I know you are, and that's crazy. I don't want you thinking things like that. Whatever that Jenova thing has said to you, or done to you, or...or whatever it's telling you, is _wrong_. It's trying to confuse you! Don't you see that it's trying to confuse you?" she spoke rapidly with an overt desperation.

"Tifa, I'm only telling you this because I need your help! You didn't have to smack me..." I reluctantly added.

"...I'm sorry... I've just been a little ... uptight since we went to Nibelheim. I just want to get back to Edge and forget about it. Everything has just been causing me to jump lately and I-I guess I just overreacted. I'm sorry." She touched the side of my face, gently.

I pulled her hand away, though. "But... I was being very serious when I said –"

"What makes you suddenly so certain?" she countered, "Why are you thinking all of this?"

"How can you be so certain that I _am_ Cloud? How can you be sure that these memories I have are not just residual shadows from a dead boy's mind? Tifa, I am the only one left with the Jenova cells. And until now, I wasn't important to Jenova. But it told me the truth."

"The truth!" she scoffed, "And how can you trust a malevolent alien creature over your best friend?!"

"You kept the truth from me before."

"Cloud, I didn't _know_ that was you with Zack in Nibelheim! I didn't know until you told all of us the story of your mission to the reactor!" She crossed her arms over her chest and swiveled to face away from me.

"Tifa..." I said after a few moments of tense silence, "I need your help again. I don't know what to believe. I need proof that Cloud didn't die seven years ago. I need proof that I'm not just a... a patched-up amalgam of Mako and Jenova."

"The proof is right here. You're sitting next to me." She suddenly grasped my hand tight. "Your skin is warm and you're alive. You didn't die!"

"But the journal... Hojo's journal is the proof that I _did_ die," I spoke quietly to myself.

"Is that what this is about? Some journal you found in Nibelheim?"

"And the last time you saw the real Cloud was when he held you in that Mako reactor before Sephiroth killed him..."

/You don't need to be confused anymore. I bring you clarity./ It was Jenova, but I no longer cringed when I heard it.

"But what does your instinct tell you?" Tifa asked. "When you look at me and think of the memories we have together... can you really tell yourself that these things are not your own?"

I looked at her and I thought about our childhood in Nibelheim. I thought about the time I followed her into the mountains because I wanted to prove to her that I was a loyal friend – more so than any of those other boys she would hang around. But the memories were drifting away from me, and I could no longer picture it clearly.

"I think that... Cloud really was a boy from your town. I think he really did try to join Soldier and I think these memories belong to him, not me."

"Then who are you, Cloud? Who are you right now?"

The question frightened me. "I don't know..." I answered finally.

"How can you die then come back to life? It's not possible," Tifa said firmly, her eyes still planted upon the stars beyond the glass window.

"Jenova reanimated the body. According to Hojo's journal, this body was dead and decaying. The Jenova cells kept it alive. It wasn't Mako poisoning that kept me comatose, Tifa. It was the cells. That's how I came to adapt Zack's personality. He was the only one I saw after I woke up from being dead. The cells had molded me into a clean slate with nothing but catalogued memories of a dead boy and lots of empty space. Cloud's personality was dead."

"Cloud, stop. This is crazy. You can't wake up from being dead. You weren't dead."

"But it makes sense. You said so yourself that I was acting so strange when you first saw me in Midgar again. You know I'm telling you the truth."

"I don't believe you." She replied sternly, then added after a few moments, "But... if you really believe this, then I'll just have to try to prove otherwise to you!"

"In the Lifestream, you never found me. You only found Cloud's old memories." It was all becoming crystal-clear now.

"Then who are you? I don't understand how you can _not _be Cloud when I'm staring right at you!"

"I'm someone new. When Cloud died and Jenova overtook his body to keep it alive, I think another consciousness was created. And that's me."

Her face was frozen in shock and she simply stared at me. I could see a flash of understanding in her eyes. She knew it was true.

I continued, "So I'm not Cloud. All I am is Jenova cells and Mako."

"It doesn't matter." She shook her head and her voice was cut with emotion, "That doesn't matter. I don't care if that's true or not, because it makes no difference to me what your name is. You're still my Cloud."

"Your Cloud?"

"Yes. I don't care who you think you are or the truth of whatever Jenova's told you. You're still my best friend. You're still the –"

"You don't care that I'm... not even really human?"

"I don't believe any of this nonsense. So I just care about you – whoever you think you are. I still care about _you_."

We were sitting so close, and the weight of her body on the bed next to me felt comforting. Her words made my chest hurt. I thought for a moment if this was what love meant – to care about someone unconditionally, regardless of who they were or weren't. It made me smile. She smiled back; a beautiful radiant smile full of relief.

"You are so beautiful," I found myself saying. She didn't care that I wasn't her childhood friend. She didn't care that I had never actually made that promise on the well nine years ago. She just cares about ... me. Not Cloud. Just me.

Immediately she turned away, her cheeks blushing in a light pink hue. "Cloud, I..." She paused, still unable to face me. The silence that followed felt natural, though. I was comfortable sharing a quiet moment with her because it was suddenly occurring to me that I was quite possibly in love with her. At last she regained her composure and looked at me once more. "So, you said you need my help? Proving that you are the real Cloud?"

Her warm voice brought me back into reality. "Yes," I responded, "But... if there is no proof. If what I suspect is the truth, then... well, I'm just glad that you care about me regardless."

"Of course, Cloud. I can't imagine why you would think anything could change the way I feel about you..." She spoke softly and looked deep into my eyes. My heart kept doing this strange fluttering sensation, which was a bit unsettling.

"I've really put you through a lot of trouble, haven't I?" I said uneasily.

She suddenly leaned forward and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, hugging me tight. The warmth from her embrace seemed to heat everything inside me.

/You really think you can simply ignore our destiny? Doubting our intentions and surrounding yourself with people who don't believe you will not make it go away./ Jenova sneered.

Tifa whispered close to my ear, "Don't worry about any of it, Cloud. Let's just get some rest."


End file.
